So what is self-compassion? In this interview in The Atlantic, Kristin Neff of SelfCompassion.org says it is treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and compassion you would give those you care about—your good friends, your loved ones. That seems obvious right? But she goes deeper:

But it also entails a recognition of common humanity—the understanding that all people are imperfect, and all people have imperfect lives. Sometimes, when we fail, we react as if something has gone wrong—that this shouldn’t be happening. “I shouldn’t have failed, I shouldn’t have had this issue come up in my life.” That type of thinking, “That this shouldn’t be happening,” as if everyone else in the world were living perfectly happy, unproblematic lives really causes a lot of additional suffering. It makes people feel isolated and separated from the rest of humanity.

So, when we have self-compassion, when we fail, it’s not “poor me,” it’s “well, everyone fails.” Everyone struggles. This is what it means to be human. And that really radically alters how we relate to failure and difficulty. That opens the door to the growth from our experiences. 

Poke around on Kristin’s website, there are some wonderful guided meditations there that you might like.